Apprehension. Agitation. Knots. Anxiety. Cold feet. Chicken. Cold sweat. Creeps. Distress. Doubt. Dread. Misgiving. Faintheartedness. Fright. Panic. Qualm. Terror. Trembling. Trepidation. Unease. Worry.
I have fear. Of various things. & in various degrees.
Today, I promised myself I would speak to a recruiting manager in the company I work in. I promised myself I would be bold, walk up to him & speak about the position he has advertised. Maybe even ask him for the job. I am competent surely, I said to myself.
One of those words listed above defines my level of fear. On a scale of 1 to 10, I think I feel 10.
Of what? I am unable to define.
Meeting him? Perhaps.
Making a fool of myself? More likely.
That I will be refused? That too.
I called him. The phone rang. Several times. & he didn't answer. I felt a sense of relief! I didn't have to meet him!
My usual response is to wait . Give myself excuses. Maybe he is busy. Maybe he doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe the role is already filled. All sorts of weird & wonderful excuses.
This time round, I did something radically different.
I sent him a mail, asking to see him. Can't wriggle out of that now.
I will call him again tomorrow. Talk to him about the problem he wants solved. Who doesn't have a problem he can pass off to someone else to solve? What have I to lose?
Wish me luck!